Traditions

Nothing highlights a year full of changes more than the approach of the most traditional days of the year. This year we found ourselves asking how do we find our traditions when so many pieces of our lives have been scattered and lost like feathers being blown away in a huge gust of wind?

Actually, this year has been more like the big turd hitting the fan blades, but the image isn’t quite as friendly.

Whether we liked it or not, Paul’s mom was a cornerstone in our family holidays. She lived alone and Paul was her only child, so to her it made obvious sense to her to spend as many holidays with us as she could – which pretty much meant all of them. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Groundhog’s Day… you name it! This didn’t stop or even slow down after we moved 2000 miles away. Last Christmas she spent a full two weeks in our home. If only we had the foresight to know that would be her last Christmas on earth, I may have tried to be more joyous (and patient), but overall I have very little regret with regards to her, since many daughter-in-laws would’ve simply kicked her out of their lives for any number of the stunts she pulled with us over the years.

As for Christmas, she ran the entire show from start to finish in the same way she tried to control every aspect in life (and those lives around her). I am a person who tends to give up the reins in order to keep harmony, so I mostly sat back all of these years and participated in her play. We ate the foods she deemed appropriate for Christmas dinner, attended the church service she found acceptable and decorated with the decorations she brought with her. Our holidays were scripted by her for years.

For more than 10 years this was what we had grown so accustomed to, we had never really built traditions of our own. We’ve had many people express we must be relieved to be freed from her visits, and in some ways I guess we are. But it also leaves a hole that she filled, and leaves us looking around our own family wondering how we begin our own family traditions?

It doesn’t help that we’re also 2000 miles from everyone and everything that we grew up with! There are no Christmas day blizzards to cause us travel woes, but there are also no grandmas’ houses to travel to. Cactuses, palm tress and sand replace forests of pine trees and snow, but there is no replacement for family and friends we miss so much back home.

Yet, our lonely quiet Christmas was joyous for us this year. We put up a real Christmas tree in mid-December. I wasn’t motivated to do much decorating myself, but Brigid is now 5 and ½ and extremely eager to make up for any of my lackluster enthusiasm! All I had to do was pull the boxes out of the garage, and she dug into them in no time, spreading her joy and cheer into every corner of the house!

We attended some fun activities at church like “The Sweetest Story Every Told” where the kids received a pile of cookies that they could decorate themselves. We attended two church services as a family, which to my amazement Aidan made it through! Paul and I looked at each other in horror when the pastor announced “we will now have a moment of silence…” Silence is a problem to be fixed in Aidan’s world, and this was no exception. Imagine a silent auditorium being suddenly broken with a 3 year old’s voice, which we all know is louder than 6 adult voices put together, “Why did evewything turn off? Daaaady? Why evewyone stop?! I see da Cwistmas Twee!! Moooommmmyyyy?!! I AM BEING QUIET!!!”

Thank heavens it was a family service, so we didn’t get the usual glares, but just snickers and smiles as we quieted him down.

All in all, Paul said he felt like it was one of the happiest Christmases he’s had in years. We are together and we feel like our lives are moving in the right direction. The future is unknown, but we have so much to be thankful for. The children are in wonderful health and have so much going for them. We still have my mom, dad and Craig with us – all of whom have faced or are facing grave illnesses and have so far triumphed (and all our prayers to keep on triumphing). Even if we’re not physically near one another, we have the love of our extended families, even as far away as Germany! Babies have been born this year to friends and family who have all been blessedly well (yay to Kim who recently had Brett!)

Most of all, the children are thankful for their overabundance of toys. Time to flood Goodwill and Free-cycle once again, because our shelves runneth over!